Today was Kalie's final day of Brain Balance so I almost named this post "The end" . It seemed fitting. The end of that chapter in our lives. Through this journey, though, I have come to see things in a different light. More optimistic, maybe? Waking up today, I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was kind of giddy. Were we really here? Was this really her last day?
Well, let me back up a little.. I actually started seeing the light at the end of the tunnel yesterday, when we were able to introduce the first food off her severe list. Corn. Who knew I would be so excited to bring corn back. We had corn on the cob for lunch that day, and as the girls were shucking the corn Kalie got a little sad and said " Oh man, I can't have corn on the cob." When I told her that we were introducing corn that day she was thrilled! She was also able to have natural corn tortilla chips, and chicken fajitas on a baked corn tortilla with black bean and corn salsa! I felt like a cook again. It was wonderful. I have missed it. I've missed all the different elements of cooking and the combinations you can do. Monday we get to bring back egg whites. Eggs again for breakfast, for baking! Crossing our fingers with these severe food introductions that all will go well. We did have a reaction with almonds; she was really mean and disobedient and angry for about 3 days.
When we dropped Kalie off at Brain Balance today, I drove away feeling kind of bittersweet, maybe a little nervous. I even got a little emotional. Even now, as I try to type my feelings out, I'm having a hard time finding the right words. This place, that we had no idea about 3 months ago, has become kind of a safe place to me. I knew when I dropped Kalie off she was happy. She loved it there. She loved her teachers there. She felt welcome there. I had come to trust these people with my daughter. I had to leave all skepticism at the door and truly have faith that they would do their best for Kalie. And they did. I couldn't be happier. The tears that I cry now, are no longer tears of grief, of pain, of feeling hopeless. The tears I cry now are of gratitude, joy, and peace.
For the longest time, I was positive that we were destined to live a life of contention. I was sure that Kalie would hate me forever and that we would never have a close relationship, where she would come talk to me about everything and anything. I don't feel that way anymore. In fact, just today, she came home from a sleepover at her grandparents house and she ran in and hugged me right away and said "I missed you, Mom." She chose to hold my hand while we were out. So this is what it's like?
She has changed so much. I hope that you all will be able to see the change in her- in her countenance, in her smile, in her laugh. She is so much more confident, she shares by choice, she loves playing with her sister, she asks to help. It's truly amazing. She's been doing swim lessons this summer and is loving it. She has also started piano! That was something I wasn't sure she would be able to do. I tried teaching her last year and it was awful. There was the constant bickering between us and also her capability to understand (and remember) what was being taught. Today, we played our first duet together.
When I picked Kalie up from Brain Balance and walked out the door, it was as if I could breathe again. We made it. When I was sure our family was going to crumble, we were able to stand strong with each other, for each other, and remain as one. I could finally put this chapter behind us and it was almost as if I was seeing our new life flash before my eyes. I could feel peace. I felt like we could finally begin our journey to forever.
I am truly grateful for the chance we have been given to enroll Kalie into Brain Balance. I don't know what we would have done without it. I would never have been given the guidance in nutrition. We would've been on a never ending path to destruction, and never knowing how to help her.
I am also very, very grateful to everyone that has offered prayers, and thoughts, in our behalf. We have felt the strength from those prayers, and I know that Kalie has too. Thank you.
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